Some days I wonder about purpose, how important my life really is in the big scheme of things. Sure, I birthed two children, step-mothered two more, and am loving them all, plus seven grands. Over forty-three years I have loved and stayed faithful to one husband, worked and served in nursing, have ridden the rocky road of life in them thar hills, and learned more and more how to keep my mouth shut. Sort of. Maybe that’s why I write!
It has taken me a lifetime of listening to understand that I need to listen more. Knowing that life is neither all about me, nor is it about my opinions. Oh, how I desire to speak my understanding of God’s truth to those I see hurting, and to those who have rejected God’s love. It is hard to make the choice to stay away when my presence may be a stressor for an already stressed out loved one. It is frustrating, yet freeing, too, when I am given permission to not enter what feels like a battle zone. A blessing in disguise one could say. So I stand on the promise that God does hear my prayers, and that my trust in His working His plans for my hurting loved one is well founded. For that shred of “you need to fix it” in me still whispers, “Can ya hear me now?”
As I sat listening to dear husband’s report of his visit to a loved one recently, my mind reflected on this active silence I have been practicing. Hearing, listening without interrupting for clarification as I am want to do; endeavoring to love well by setting aside my impulses to understand immediately. I do feel muzzled at times, but am becoming more comfortable with that for it lessens the possibility of frustration and misunderstanding. Perhaps the lesson in patient endurance is for me, as God and others endure my thought processes as well. It sends me skipping to God’s Word for encouragement and consolation especially when communication gets messy. “Can ya hear me now?”
I am so thankful for a place I can go, whenever I need to be heard. It matters not if I am eloquent, well prepared to present my case, factual, realistic, even fully truthful. For in standing before my LORD my tumbled thoughts are brought into the light of His Truth so I can see clearly, become more honest with myself, embrace the truth of the situation, get real and see the bigger picture. He makes my crooked paths straight. Sometimes I am full of shame, embarrassed, remorseful. Other times I am vindicated, encouraged, reassured. Always I am loved, accepted, instructed, forgiven, restored. And heard.
“Can ya hear me now?”
“Yes, yes, loud and clear!”