A Gentle Heart Beat

The phone thrummed on the dresser awakening me to another of my friend’s “oops!” video chat dials. Becoming rather infamous in this communication phenomenon, she wears the mantle with good humor. And I know I can roll over and go back to sleep if need be.

Scrunching my pillow while burrowing back under the covers I calmed back down to that pre-sleep space of gentle breathing, slowing heart rate, listening to the sounds of air moving in the room, drifting again into dreams. How many times when curled on my left side in near fetal position have I had to readjust to not listen to my heartbeat between my ear and the pillow? I like the sounds of silence, sans thump, thump, thump, and other noises of the night. Just peaceful quiet.

This morning was different somehow. Curled cocooned the thumping in my ear was rather soothing, surprisingly. As I listened, observing my mind opening towards the new day, watching thoughts begin to stretch and awaken, there came a vague sense of tension. What would the day bring? How would I accomplish all the things? How would conversations play out that were a bit concerning? Even before feet were on the floor my mind was nearly out the door! Woah back, mind! Settle down . . . and listen. Be silent. Wait. Pray. Open up and be still.

Thump, thump, thump . . . the drone of my heartbeat, cadence mostly even, kept on. While lying there snuggled in, just resting, waiting on the day, listening to what God might say, I detected a small shift, a little release of that edge of worry. My heartbeat thrummed along, a gentle witness again to me that I was not in control of today, and need not be. Beyond myself came the source of life that willed my heart to beat. Me? A recipient of a strange and glorious experience of being alive, in a body to carry me through this place. It was quite comforting really, listening to that gentle sound in my ear. A whisper that, though by myself, I was not alone; God indeed was near.