Meeting Forgiveness

The wound had been healing for years. It was hard to keep track of time, the calendar flipping like frenzied numbers on an old clock radio. All the woman knew was the ongoing cry of her heart…her whole, easily bruised being physically hurt.

“You really need a counselor,” she was told. That broadsided her. She thought she’d been doing all the things, holding together pretty well through the long fractured relationships. Now this declaration thrust a spear. Seems you’re the only one who needs help, the spear tip mocked as it sliced through her armor. Fleeting disdain tripped across her brow, and yanked at a root of bitterness. She stood, walked away, and grudgingly made the call.

It was hard reopening painful wounds. To poke and prod, re-inflame tender places. To resurrect the pain already examined, cried over repeatedly. Conciliatory words of “It might be too late; Let go the hope of reconciliation,” chided her, a scalpel dissecting, severing, and dropping her anchor of hope into the deep. Convicting words paralyzed and plunged her under an endless tumultuous sea, the undertow dragging her deeper and deeper. This blow, hitting harder than the initial wound, compressed the feeling of life from her as the spear, thrust now by more than one, sank further into deeper wounds.

Faith proclaimed she could believe even still…hope was forever bound with faith and love…another three-strand cord that could not easily be broken. She must get past her hopeless feelings, somehow patiently hold to the process of faith, survive the riptide, refuse to drown.

Bitterness festered like a tiny, hidden, putrid, poisonous abscess. Was it holding her hostage, a result of her failure to fully forgive? Was this whole painful mess the result of what she’d sown? Had she injured, or held a punishing spirit t’wards those who’d injured her? Could she pray again, say again, “I forgive you…please forgive me,” then be released from this besetting despair? More words shouted, this time from a page, “Sometimes you just have to feel the pain.”

The pain did its burning work until she was numb, empty, at the end of herself. She’d been at this place before, facing the abject ugliness in herself, her absolute hopelessness…just before she first met her Savior. How many times must one grieve their own shortcomings and failures, forgive daily oneself and others? It really mattered not others’ choices…her responsibility was to bring her transgressions before the LORD, trust His transforming grace. Would learning to more carefully listen be an olive branch from which to build a bridge of reconciliation with others?

Was it too late? Could she survive pulling up this nasty yuk again? It was a costly choice, one her own LORD demonstrated by forgiving fully all who crucified Him. Was she mocking His sacrifice for her sins by stuffing her bitterness, withholding full forgiveness of others for a life’s worth of emotional pain? “LORD, help me,” she cried. “I cannot accomplish fully forgiving without Your help…every day!”

Behind her closed eyes, a lone white horse walked towards her. The dirt road was dry, yet no dust swirled beneath the steed’s feet. This was no ordinary horse…she could see Majesty, Knowledge, Understanding pouring from him as he came closer and closer. She was speechless. Was Forgiveness coming to raise her up on His wings? Oh, let it be! Love hopes all things, endures all things, bears all things. The cinch of pain was indeed a small inconvenience if through it Forgiveness would give her hope again. Was this a promise of her learning to fully forgive others, rip out her own taproot of bitterness? To, finally, fully forgive herself, and be rid of her censoring guilt? Hope, carried on the mane of Forgiveness, fluttered into her heart. Oh, to clutch Hope and Forgiveness and rise, again, fully free! Her heart began to sing.

~~~

LORD, thank You for bringing hope in the way we need…forgiveness, encouragement, Your presence as we stand against hard things that want not to heal. Thank You for sending strength to carry us, for the reminder to be still and wait for Your guidance and provision. Thank You, LORD, that nothing separates us from Your Love, for Your promise to never leave us, and Your purpose to free us from the sickness of sin to make us whole. Thank You, LORD. You are Love. You are Forgiveness. We praise and exalt You! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I Corinthians 23:13 NLT “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Psalm 30:5 NLT “For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.