“Why am I afear’d to go out the door?”
Embarrassment crept around me unbidden, like a specter’s shroud. Had this feeling slithered in under the door or risen up from some long ago wound? Frankly, it felt weird…afraid to go out my door to the front yard? Was I losing my marbles? What was happening? Was this a reflection of a deeper fear? Or a hypersensitive pain-body in me (a subconscious reaction of accumulated, unresolved memories to any similar perceived threat, whether or not it was real)? Goodness knows, the anxieties of the world were swirling around at a fevered pitch. How did I get pulled into this emotional state?
The more I thought of it, marbles collected, I finally concluded that my fear was emanating from a deeper stronghold, perhaps an embedded lie that I had given place to in my mind. Like all of us, I have had many embarrassments and humiliations throughout life, and continue to learn how to overcome them. Yet again a taproot from a still buried thing (it only takes a shred to regrow) seemed to be invading my peaceful space, like those persistent, prickly weeds in my garden.
Asking God for understanding of my experience brought insight and resolution of that strange feeling. As I leaned with God into my confusion, the light of His truth eventually cleared the capricious emotions and thoughts that had spun me off like a dizzy whirly-gig. Honestly facing my fear and weirdness, explaining out loud to the LORD what I was experiencing, was cathartic. It helped bring to light hidden stuff that was shackling me. My experience to find calm in that storm was to literally, as goes the well-know hymn, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” Turning my eyes to Him, seeking His light on the subject, diffused the power of the confusion and hidden things. Light overcame my darkness! God is so good! He neither leads us through a place alone, nor overwhelms us with a lesson we are not mature enough to learn. He works all things together for His good purposes in us. Time and again His promise to never leave nor forsake us has proven true.
May our eyes seek God’s light. No matter the path forward in overcoming our personal challenges, Jesus knows intimately our needs. In faith, praying sincerely and simply as would children, pouring out our hearts to a patient, loving Father who yearns to wipe away our tears and quandaries, is my go-to way of calling, “Help!” As the Master Gardner of the original garden, He especially knows how to rid us of those hidden, dormant weedy things that fill us with fear, steal our joy, or threaten to overtake our peace. Though human attempts at yanking out weeds might bring temporary, symptomatic relief, for deeper healing l need the help of the One who knows how to finally dig out the roots of hurting buried things, and to replace worldly lies with unchanging, eternal truths. He is the One who breaks whatever binds us, gives us the power to overcome, and finally sets us free from all that imprisons. He IS the door to internal peace, the one I can go out of and come into, without fear!
Lord, thank You that You are ever-present, no matter where we are or what situation we might be facing. Thank You that You are greater than all our challenges and fears. Lead us, LORD, into Your presence. Bring to light those hidden things that ensnare us, rob us of life. Thank You for Your love, mercy, and goodness that follows us all the days of our lives. Teach us trust as we walk through shadowed valleys, drawing courage and understanding in Your presence, and in the process of healing. In Jesus’ powerful name, Amen.
Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”
Deuteronomy 31:8 “And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
John 10: 7, 9 “7 Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep.” “9 I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.”
For the lyrics to Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus click on https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/h/645
2 thoughts on “Braving the Door”
Such a well-written post Sherry. I love transparency’s gift that makes oneness possible in the body of Christ. Thank you for being real.
I love your similes, too.
Blessings and love,
Thank you so much, Michele. I am deeply blessed by your thoughts.